Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
