Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
