That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
