There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
