their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
