SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
