she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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