I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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