The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
