hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
