Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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