naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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