He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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