I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
