I showed him my bush... on skype.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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