Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
This is classic penis vs brain.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
