He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
