Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
