Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
