How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
