I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
