He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
