I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
