the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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