No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My dick has a subreddit
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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