Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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