We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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