Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
