he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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