Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
