are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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