I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
