was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Randomize
