let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize