my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
