My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
