The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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