I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
