i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
