the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
