Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
