Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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