This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
