mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
