so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
This house was built for laser tag.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
