that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
There are leaves in my underwear?
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