if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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