It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Randomize
