If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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