I'm going to rape someone's good day.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
