His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I did not marry a roomba.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
