Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
