You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize