True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
