Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Actions speak louder than pants.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I have aggressive nipples.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize