somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize