i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
