Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
