make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
