Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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