I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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