if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
