Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Drunk is not a location!
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
