im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
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