my soul wont recognize me after tonight
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I touched a dick in church today
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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