she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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