Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
