I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
you inspire me to be a worse person
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
