God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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