i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
