Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
